How to Deal with Sexist Attitudes in the Workplace

By Marty Latz, Latz Negotiation Institute

“I sometimes have to deal with older sexist men who make inappropriate comments and use tactics they would never use with men my age,” a bright, young female lawyer told me recently. “What should I do?”

1. If it is truly offensive, demand they stop.

If the sexist comments are truly offensive and make you extremely uncomfortable, firmly and professionally point them out and request or demand they stop. At the end of the day, you deserve a sexist-free environment in which to engage.

If your counterparts are lawyers and they do not stop, the legal rules of professional conduct give you a mechanism to enforce appropriate behavior.

2. Use their attitude to get information.

If their comments, however, are just annoying and/or mildly offensive – use their sexist attitude against them. How?

It is likely your sexist counterpart is substantially underestimating your abilities solely because of your gender and age.

By doing so, they are not thinking carefully about what they say and what information they share. Frankly, they probably do not think you know what to do with it.

Use their attitude to get important information.

Ask them lots of questions, especially open-ended ones like what, how, why, tell me about, describe and explain. Then, once you have information, use it strategically.

They may never know what hit them – and they certainly won’t see it coming.

I know an extremely skilled and intelligent negotiator who also happens to have grown up on a farm in Iowa.

He uses a variation of this same technique, Columbo-like, and succeeds in many negotiations when his counterparts greatly underestimate him. After all, they think, a farm boy could not possibly know about those sophisticated transactions. Boy, are they wrong! 

3. Experience does not equal expertise, so do your homework.

Just because your counterparts may have been negotiating for years does not mean they are doing it well. And it certainly does not mean they are negotiating strategically based on the expert’s proven research.

You, thus, need to do your homework. And you need to do your homework on both the substantive issues involved and on the negotiation process. In other words, learn from the experts how to strategically negotiate.

Then your negotiation strategies will be based on recent research and on what the experts have learned from studying top negotiators throughout history.

4. Remember your leverage.

Finally, remember that your counterpart’s attitude – no matter how offensive – does not change your leverage. If you (or your client if it is a legal negotiation) have a good alternative to a deal with them – your Plan B – then you have strong leverage.

Strong leverage means you can walk away if you want, a strong tactic that might cause your counterpart to reconsider how they deal with you.

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Marty Latz is the founder of Latz Negotiation Institute, a national negotiation training and consulting company, and ExpertNegotiator, a Web-based software company that helps managers and negotiators more effectively negotiate and implement best practices based on the experts’ proven research.  He is also the author of Gain the Edge! Negotiating to Get What You Want (St. Martin’s Press 2004). He can be reached at 480-951-3222 or Latz@ExpertNegotiator.com

ICLEF • Indiana Continuing Legal Education Forum, Indianapolis, IN

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